Big World Small Boat

Private Diary of A Priest. OK, so we're not all angels...Everyone needs a place to get things off their chest! And yes, I do talk to God about it all! Even He has a sense of humour! Want proof? Well, he made me, didn't He? Oh, one last thought-If you don't like what I've written, please keep in mind - it's MY diary. Go write your own!

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Location: England, United Kingdom

I've been serving children in crisis for over twenty five years. My goals are not to raise money, but to find organisations and individuals who can help change lives! What may be outdated equipment for you could change the life of a child in Eastern Europe! To learn more please visit our site at:


We've Just Won The Lottery!

It's just too good to be true! We won the lottery! Fantastic! We can’t believe our good fortune!

According to the email my daughter received, ‘we’ were selected from a 'special Internet promotional company in Liverpool' and our ticket number won! This is amazing! We have won in excess of a million Euros! Oh My Goodness! (the rules forwarded with our winning notice have politely explained that if the recipient is under legal age, then the parents become the official winners)

And how timely too! This will allow us to pay the ‘storage fees’ bill we’ve been presented by a security warehouse in Amsterdam, where upon payment they will 'immediately release the $750,000 that a dying woman, named Madâme Sangsue Ebola has bequeathed to me, in order to ‘hold Jesus in my heart and help the suffering children in my Christian goals.’ I’ve been strongly considering helping her, being that she’s such a sterling Christian and all.

But to be truthful, I’ve been torn between some moral decisions I'm facing. You see, the branch manager of the Bank of Abu Dhabi, Mr. Mustapha Sporco Indigeno Baitsim, has written me, 'after finding my name and address through an internet marketing firm, while searching for a reliable and reputable person to handle this transaction.’

He has discovered an inactive bank account in the amount of thirteen million, seven hundred thousand dollars, that belonged to a gentleman who died in an airline crash several years ago. Mr. Baitsim has even kindly sent me a link to the news story carried by the BBC. He’s offering me a 40% share just for banking the funds into my current account. Mr. Baitsim wrote a riveting scenario explaining how I can travel the world, relying upon and withdrawing the funds from Cirrus cash points. And he has even offered to help demonstrate how easy it is to withdraw those funds when I meet him. What a kind gentleman!

Satan step back! I so desperately want to pursue the dream of Madâme Ebola's, but with such a paltry sum, just imagine all I could do with the share of money being offered by Mr. Baitsim! I know this is wrong and I really should be ashamed.

But I think I’ve finally wrestled the beast. I’ve found a solution to all of this temptation. This morning I received an email from a lovely lady; a student at the University of Lagos named ‘Princess Dégénéré Merde.’ According to her email she is ‘a true Christian who follows God’s word truthfully.’ Her father, King Arriéré Merde, recently passed away. Her mother, Queen Vieux Baveux Merde, is illiterate and is unable to manage the estate he 'stored with a security firm in Cape Town South Africa, when he discovered that his body was riddled with cancer.' She has offered me 10% of the forty million pounds, simply for coming to Johannesburg to claim it on her behalf. And she feels I should help guide her in its investment.

So today, I’ve written to the venerable Princess Merde, asking her to withdraw from school forthwith, whereby she will be employed as our grant manager. And she is to proceed directly to Liverpool to collect our winnings. Then she should fly to Amsterdam, to withdraw the funds being held for our charity projects. And once she has achieved all of this, we will meet with Mr. Baitsim, to discuss how he can help us invest and manage her father’s estate!

I do look forward to hearing from her!

An important note: Sadly, the emails I’ve alluded to are real. I’m bombarded with them every day. It’s unfortunate that there is even a need to mention this, but according to the Metropolitan Police, innocent people are falling victim to these frauds every day. These types of communications are variants on a fraud scheme called ‘Nigerian 419’s’ (named after the Nigerian law against fraud), whereby the recipient of the communication is lured into paying a fee of some sort to release funds.

If you receive an unsolicited email, or a letter in the post, stating that you have won a lottery, or you are being requested to assist someone collect or repatriate funds; There is a 99.9% certainty that this is a fraud. Many are quick to represent themselves as churches, religions, or well known national companies.

Under no circumstances should you reply to these emails or letters, even if it's to tell them to 'get stuffed!' If you do, you are merely confirming that you have a live and active address. This can increase your risk of receiving more of these solicitations, if not worse. Additionally, the 'local' telephone numbers that are offered are often expensive re-routing mechanisms that send the calls abroad. Under no circumsance should you attempt to call these numbers!

According to DS Stephen Truick of the UK's Metropolitan Police Internet Crime Unit, the best thing to do is simply delete them immediately. However, if there is something that concerns you in particular, contact your local police internet crime unit. In the UK you may forward the email However, if you do so, you must include the Internet header information that contains where the email originated from. If you reside outside of the UK you may refer to the United States Secret Service section on 419 Fraud.

If you would like to learn more about these frauds and how a number of creative (and brave) individuals are working to create havoc for these criminals, have a look at the BBC’s website, or visit the 419 eater!

They're getting even!

And please remember; if it looks too good to be true, it probably is!

Report UK Consumer Tech Support Fraud HERE!

The Latest Frauds Hitting Consumers in the UK READ HERE!

See the latest in Advance Fee Fraud originating from within the United Kingdom HERE.

The Lottery Big World Small Boat

STOP Unwanted Marketing Calls from India!

Sweet Talkers

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi. I just wanted you to know how much I enjoy reading your blogger. Its nice that you have a sense of humor and can be serious as well. I've received lots of these too. I used to answer them to tell them to remove me from their mail. But I see your point now. I think I've just been setting myself up for more of the junk.

Blogger Father Bill Haymaker said...

Well, the timing couldn't have been better...just after I write about these scams...into my box drops yet another tasteful example of a combination of greed and stupidity! I love the name on this's presumably from a 'Fr. John I Odor,' Now, is that Odor as in in 'I stink?' Who knows...and who cares...But I thought I'd share this one in its full text..and it's so nice to know that The Rev. Father Willy was kind enough to hold me in his thoughts. And most of all, I am AMAZED at how well he was able to scrimp and save all his life to leave me all those millions!
Here's the text...enjoy!
= = =

St.Michael Catholic Church
22 Mission Road
Edo- Nigeria

Dear Reverend

Notification of Bequest

On behalf of the Trustes and Executor of the estate
of Late Rev Father. Willy Bubenik. I have been unsuccessful
in locating you after several attempts. I once again
try to notify you as my earlier letter to you through
the Post Office was returned undelivered. I hereby
attempt to reach you via your e-mail address .
I wish to notify you that late Rev Father.Willy Bubenik
made you a beneficiary to his will. He left the sum of
(US$4.5million)to you in the codicil and last testament to his will.
Being a widely travelled man, he must have been in
contact with you in the past or simply you were
nominated to him by one of his numerous friends abroad
who wished you good.Rev Father.Willy Bubenik until his death
was a former Archbishop his church. He was a very dedicated
Christian who loved to give out.His great philanthropy
earned him numerous awards during his life time. Late
Rev Father. Willy Bubenik died on the 9th day of February
2002 at the age of 68 years, and his Will is now ready
for execution.According to him this money is to
support your Christian activities and to help the poor and the needy.
Please If I reach you as I am hopeful, endeavour to
get back to me as soon as possible to enable the
immediate execution of your portion of the bequest to
enable earlier disbursment by the Paying Bank. .You
are to send to me a copy of your driving licence, or
international passport to me either by attachment or
you send it through our E-Fax # 1-206-3884550-1384. On
demand I would send you the Obituary notice of Late Rev Father
Willy Bubenik for your perusal and maybe you would recognise him
I hope to hear from you in no distant time.
Yours in His service,
Rev. Fr John .I. Odor
Parish Priest

Blogger Father Bill Haymaker said...

Just to give you an example of how this nonsense continues, in addition to the lottery winning notifications, the deceased oil barons, and the millionaire priests, I still continue to receive these heart-wrenching offers of money. And the mind continues to boggle at the fact people fall for this rubbish!

Here's a sample of one of the emails I received today...bless her socks!

- - -

Divine Work Of God

From. Sister Fatu Bamba

Dearest In The Lord,

I know that this mail maybe of a surprise to you and i will be highly appreciated to have your positive response

I am the above named person from Sierra Leone. I am married to Mr. Johnson Bamba who worked with Sierra Leone. Embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before his died in the year 2003.

We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both born again Christian. Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $3.5Million (three.five Million U.S. Dollars)in the Security Company here in Abidjan,and adviced me that he used my name as the next of kin and that the security company officials does noty know the real content of the trunk box because he comorflage it as (FAMILY VALUABLES AND TREASURES) it is still with the Security Company .

Recently, my Doctor told me that i have serious sickness which is cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness.Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church or individual that will utilize this money the way Iam going to instruct herein. I want a church that will use this fund for orphanages, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavor that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that,Blessed is the hand that giveth, Itook the is decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit this money and I don't want my husband’s efforts to be in vain. I don’t want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way.

This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace and i know with this development With God all things are possible. As soon as Ireceive your reply I shall give you the contact of the security company here in Abidjan.I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shephard. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life.Contact me on the above e_mail address for more informations, any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another church or individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein.
Hoping to receive your reply.

Remain blessed in the Lord.

Yours in Christ,

Sister Fatu Bamba.

I have indeed acted on this and forwarded 'her' email address, history, and text to yahoo's fraud unit at:

The only email Sister Fatu will be receiving is notification that her account is closed!

Anonymous Nathan said...

Hi. You made me laugh but I know this is serious stuff. I get mail like this all the time. I can't believe people are so stupid to reply to these things. I love the names you used for the people. I think thats the funniest part because you describe them perfectly!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The penny just dropped with the names you gave these idiots. Hilarious! I love your sense of humor in dealing with this serious subject. I get these all the time but I thought maybe just Canada and the americans were being targeted. Peace. Megan

Anonymous Bernard Silverstein said...

You're getting the kitchen people calling too? I thought it was only me! Please, can you think of a way to get them to stop ringing? Its driving us crazy!!!!! Love your blog but you don't write enough! Lets see some more!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Loved this! Too true!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

these pigs are the bum scum of society. i hope they get whats comming to them!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

all of us here at work ae waiting to hear your ideas on how to stop the kitchens direct people from calling! Two calls yesterday and one just now! Idiots!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just received more mail from the Ivory Coast from these stupid people. They really think their efforts still work and I think they pay someone to send email messages for them. Talk about bottom of the food chain! Stupidity rules! About Father John in Canada!

Anonymous Terry Knox said...

I fell into your blog after googling cursing in french. I thought it was a mistake at first but now see the names of the people. This is hilarious! I still receive these stupid emails but not as much as in the past. Do they really think we are so stupid to believe this crap? Love your stories. Have read several and going to read more! Rgds TK


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