We've Just Won The Lottery!
And how timely too! This will allow us to pay the ‘storage fees’ bill we’ve been presented by a security warehouse in Amsterdam, where upon payment they will 'immediately release the $750,000 that a dying woman, named Madâme Sangsue Ebola has bequeathed to me, in order to ‘hold Jesus in my heart and help the suffering children in my Christian goals.’ I’ve been strongly considering helping her, being that she’s such a sterling Christian and all.
But to be truthful, I’ve been torn between some moral decisions I'm facing. You see, the branch manager of the Bank of Abu Dhabi, Mr. Mustapha Sporco Indigeno Baitsim, has written me, 'after finding my name and address through an internet marketing firm, while searching for a reliable and reputable person to handle this transaction.’
He has discovered an inactive bank account in the amount of thirteen million, seven hundred thousand dollars, that belonged to a gentleman who died in an airline crash several years ago. Mr. Baitsim has even kindly sent me a link to the news story carried by the BBC. He’s offering me a 40% share just for banking the funds into my current account. Mr. Baitsim wrote a riveting scenario explaining how I can travel the world, relying upon and withdrawing the funds from Cirrus cash points. And he has even offered to help demonstrate how easy it is to withdraw those funds when I meet him. What a kind gentleman!
Satan step back! I so desperately want to pursue the dream of Madâme Ebola's, but with such a paltry sum, just imagine all I could do with the share of money being offered by Mr. Baitsim! I know this is wrong and I really should be ashamed.
But I think I’ve finally wrestled the beast. I’ve found a solution to all of this temptation. This morning I received an email from a lovely lady; a student at the University of Lagos named ‘Princess Dégénéré Merde.’ According to her email she is ‘a true Christian who follows God’s word truthfully.’ Her father, King Arriéré Merde, recently passed away. Her mother, Queen Vieux Baveux Merde, is illiterate and is unable to manage the estate he 'stored with a security firm in Cape Town South Africa, when he discovered that his body was riddled with cancer.' She has offered me 10% of the forty million pounds, simply for coming to Johannesburg to claim it on her behalf. And she feels I should help guide her in its investment.
So today, I’ve written to the venerable Princess Merde, asking her to withdraw from school forthwith, whereby she will be employed as our grant manager. And she is to proceed directly to Liverpool to collect our winnings. Then she should fly to Amsterdam, to withdraw the funds being held for our charity projects. And once she has achieved all of this, we will meet with Mr. Baitsim, to discuss how he can help us invest and manage her father’s estate!
I do look forward to hearing from her!
An important note: Sadly, the emails I’ve alluded to are real. I’m bombarded with them every day. It’s unfortunate that there is even a need to mention this, but according to the Metropolitan Police, innocent people are falling victim to these frauds every day. These types of communications are variants on a fraud scheme called ‘Nigerian 419’s’ (named after the Nigerian law against fraud), whereby the recipient of the communication is lured into paying a fee of some sort to release funds.
If you receive an unsolicited email, or a letter in the post, stating that you have won a lottery, or you are being requested to assist someone collect or repatriate funds; There is a 99.9% certainty that this is a fraud. Many are quick to represent themselves as churches, religions, or well known national companies.
Under no circumstances should you reply to these emails or letters, even if it's to tell them to 'get stuffed!' If you do, you are merely confirming that you have a live and active address. This can increase your risk of receiving more of these solicitations, if not worse. Additionally, the 'local' telephone numbers that are offered are often expensive re-routing mechanisms that send the calls abroad. Under no circumsance should you attempt to call these numbers!
If you would like to learn more about these frauds and how a number of creative (and brave) individuals are working to create havoc for these criminals, have a look at the BBC’s website, or visit the 419 eater!
They're getting even!
And please remember; if it looks too good to be true, it probably is!
Report UK Consumer Tech Support Fraud HERE!
The Latest Frauds Hitting Consumers in the UK READ HERE!
See the latest in Advance Fee Fraud originating from within the United Kingdom HERE.
The Lottery Big World Small Boat
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